There are times when sadness comes into my life like a slow tide that washes into the tidal plains of my mind. It seeps into every part of me, each different persona that I slip in and out of. And slowly, as it changes my world in significant ways, the currents swarm back out … back into the great sea beyond my own vision.
Ever since I was a very small child, I remember having these tides of feeling “blue.” I guess most people experience the ups and downs of trying to live in this world. But my down times always seemed much deeper than others. Some people simply “power” through these times, not allowing themselves to feel. I’ve tried this. Other times when the feelings are so strong, I’m forced to take internal inventory. I’ve had more times like these.
I’m told the Native American culture viewed the passage through sadness as a type of “shamanic conversion.” Individuals would seek out solitude during sad times, in order to fully experience their feelings and to connect with the universe. When they reemerged back into the tribe from their time alone, they were viewed as changed people. Often, they were even given new names.
I find a lot of truth in American Indian spirituality. Through the years, I’ve collected a number of books about it, which I love to browse. Since I am a Christian, I find the similarities between their culture and what I believe intriguing.
Sorting through thoughts and feelings can be a messy business. Sometimes, one needs to be alone to take inventory. I find spending time alone in prayer to be a great help in navigating the marshlands of my emotions. When I’m feeling down, I can be sure that God will personally meet me there. His movement in my life becomes clearer during these times. His presence in my heart can be so intense I can hardly breath. During these times of passage, his ebb and flow can direct the changes that take place in my heart, and when I allow him to fully soak into my life, I’m always changed for the better.
People don’t like to talk about their emotions. They sweep them under the carpet and hide them away from the world. But that’s not what the Creator had in mind. God has given us the gift of “feeling.” And though it can be awfully painful, it is this same pathway that leads us to each experience of joy.
Pain and joy … they go hand in hand.
Each earthly joy is tempered with the knowledge that this world will soon pass away. Likewise, each pain is easier to bear when we know that it will not last. Time in solitude can allow you to examine your own heart. Introspection helps you open yourself to God and when your life is open to him, he can begin to mold you with the life he has given. And it all begins with the knowledge that we were born of a loving Creator. This knowledge gives me hope.
God is moving. And I remain steadfast in faith as I look forward to what he has prepared. I know he guides me, even though darker waters. His love will light my way. The current of his love will change my heart. And only he knows what my future holds.
A very young, but very wise person recently said to me, “Every day is a good day, if you enjoy it.” I thank God for day after day. I want to “feel” everything he brings my way. I want to learn from each pain … even those deep within my heart … and emerge a new person. And when this passage is complete, Christ gives us a new name, his own.
I want to tell the world the joy God brings … even in the midst of sadness and doubt.
The Struggle to Be Known 