The Struggle to Be Known

I started making music early in life.

I guess I inherited this interest from my dad, who was a much better musician than I was. He could play any instrument and had a great singing voice. He never had any formal training but simply learned for himself the best he could. It was the same way he learned how to do electrical, plumbing, carpentry, automotive repair. The list goes on and on. He just jumped in and did it.

One thing you could say about my dad, he rarely felt limited by his abilities. On occasion, this would create big problems, but most of the time it was interesting to watch. While our tastes in music were always vastly different, we enjoyed playing together from time to time. Yet, it was always me who had to initiate a jam session and pull his guitar out of the closet.

Sadly, by the time I was old enough to begin exploring music seriously, Dad had for all practical purposes given it up. I don’t know why he stopped making music in the last part of his life. My mom even bought him a new Fender guitar during that time, which he loved but seldom played.

When I was about five my mother brought home a little organ, which if memory serves me right, she purchased with S&H Green Stamps. I’ll let you younger folks go Google that one.

It had a small piano-like keyboard on the right and chord buttons on the left. I think I spent the entire day, and well into the night trying to play that thing when it was unveiled. I had a basic ability to identify pitches, but I didn’t have any unique or special gift for music. What I did have was an obsessive interest in it early on … and would play for hours at a time and continued to practice day after day. I never seemed to tire of it as a kid.

Not long after the organ made its appearance, my dad surprised the family with not only a new upright piano but a beautiful cabinet stereo. I think the piano was mostly for me, at least I claimed that it was, and the stereo was for my siblings to play records on.

I would love to know how many minutes, hours and days I spent playing that piano. The piano was a huge part of my world growing up.

As far as singing goes, I never believed I had much talent in that discipline either. Many have confirmed that through the years. (smile) However, when I was very young, I did have a clear boy soprano voice. That voice lasted well into High School when overnight I became a bass.

It was a traumatic change for everyone.

When I first heard that low voice, my new voice, it felt like I was hearing someone else speaking from across the room. I was “creeped” out by the new voice and tried to change back to my old voice, by using what had now become my falsetto voice. For months I talked with that falsetto voice which I’m sure perplexed and aggravated everyone I came in contact with. I didn’t have a clue about how to transition to the new voice. One of the school jocks who played on the High School football team sat next to me in typing class. He was kind to me (although I was the class weirdo) and he kept telling me. “Talk up boy. Talk like a man. People are making fun of you. Stop talking in that voice.”

It reminded me of the Brady Bunch episode when Peter’s voice changed right as the kids were about to record a pop song.

I struggled with this change for over a year until I gradually settled into my “man” voice. After that vocal change, I instinctively felt that I had a very limited vocal range and never even toyed with the idea of singing until my first year of college. A song came on the radio on the way to class one early morning and I had to pull my tiny Dodge Colt to the side of the road to listen. I remember the exact place on the road where I heard the song and was dumbstruck. After that day I’ve always wanted to sing. It was a mile marker in my life.

Along with teaching myself piano and later taking five years of piano lessons from a local piano teacher, I began playing in the band in Junior High School. I remember the first time I discussed with my mom and dad the benefits of joining the band. I was just about to enter the seventh grade and was plotting my schedule for the next year. It would be the first year I had any elective classes.

We were sitting in a booth at the old Burger Chef on Olive Street when I asked them about band. They both seemed to agree that it would probably be good for me to join the band.

I can’t begin to tell you how beneficial being a band member was to my musical growth. It truly gave me a firm foundation of musical theory, which I still rely upon today. And provided me with some much needed social interaction, which I was sorely in need of.

I had some inspirational band directors along the way. One was Wayne “Bud” Childers who some will probably be familiar with.

He taught us that music is fluid. He always worked on stretching the music and bringing out dynamic elements that would be overlooked by many directors. “You are playing music people, not just notes on a page.” He would shout during rehearsals. In his later years, he would direct the Pine Bluff Community band and as a reporter at the local newspaper, I had the opportunity to do a feature story on the band and Childers. This photo below is one I took of him directing the community band. I’m glad I got to reconnect with him in his later years.

I’ve had a lifetime of musical involvement including 25 years as Minister of Music at a small baptist church. When I started there I believed I would hold that position for a year at the most. I was surprised as much as anyone that God would have me minister for that length of time to my friends and family at my home church. I actually began playing the piano for church services when I was 13 which makes about 44 years of making music publicly in that location.

What I can’t believe now is that I’m still interested in making music. Just recently I’ve begun to write lyrics again and I’m toying with the idea of recording a collection of new songs. And to venture into dangerous territory, especially for a Baptist, I would have to admit that I’ve experienced and learned as much about God from spiritual music and hymns as I have from the Bible. This is not something I’m proud of, and it probably speaks to my lack of consistent study of the Bible more than anything, but I include it here to underline what an important part of my life music has been.

In my times of depression, loneliness, anxiety, discouragement, and I’ve had more than my share of all these, music has been my companion and many times has pointed me toward the hope and faith that has pulled me through.

Go listen to some music today!